CC's graduation

CC's graduation
2nd in our class to graduate

Thursday, May 13, 2010

13 months seems like a long time.

Today is "my" last Thursday for the next 13 months!  I am feeling sad, full of anxiety and I hate to say it, but fear. There is so much pressure to get this right, do well and make my friends and family proud, pay off loans quickly and actually be good at the skill in which I will be educated.  Wow.  I feel as a Mom there is even more pressure because I kind of have to justify taking time away from my sweet ones to pursue some thing in which I believe will ultimately make life better for all of us.

We have community group tonight - it's my last night preparing for community group and I just hope and pray I do it well.  It is scary to pass of the responsibility of this ministry and not know if it will quite happen the way I expect it to.

I hope I've done enough prep work to enable whomever would watch the boys all the tools needed to do so.  Logan prefers white food.  I guess that's pretty easy.  Damon... a little more difficult to pin down - things change so quickly with him, I guess it's good that the time he will need to be cared for will be short on my end of things - I don't have much time with him during the summer.  I'm afraid of what I'll miss.  Will it be equal to what I'll gain?  If I don't do it now... when?

So, if I were to list my areas of concern it would be:
- loss of time with the boys
- having to stand on my feet for 10 hours at a time
- Rolling perms for hours on end!
-Not being able to get to necessary Dr. appointments for Damon, that cannot be negotiated.
-The household being thrown off balance, not budgeted, cleaned or well shopped for.
-Meal planning.
-Getting so hopped up on myself that I get arrogant and forget that I need God.
-Looking the part that is expected of a Gene Juarez student (see my picture below and you'll understand my concern).

 I can "what if" all over the place, but it wouldn't matter if it were school or something else... live will still go on and if I don't make a move now... I'll be in the same place 13 months from now that I am now.

I was actually surprised to see how hard it was to get the application and approval process completed.

Ok, so 13 months - I plan on being done by the time Damon is done with 3rd grade!  A race to the end for sure!  A motivation to have all of next summer free to play with the boys!

Here we go: Tuesday, May 18th - a life changing day for sure. I'll keep you posted.

My hair can't ever look like this again (my face either):

No comments:

Post a Comment